Interpretation of Jerusalem with figures and pomegranate, painting by Anna Abramzon

I “met” the artist Anna Abramzon when she followed me on Twitter recently. I took one look at her Twitter background (good reason to spend time on one’s Twitter background, especially if you are in a design/graphic/visual profession), and I thought, oh, this is lovely line work and color! So I clicked on her website, enjoyed her portfolio, and here she is, agreeing to an interview on my blog.

1) When did you realize you wanted to be an artist?

I don’t really remember a time before wanting to be an artist, it was always just kind of a given. My earliest childhood memories are of turning on my parents’ record player (that’s what we had in the Soviet Union in the 80’s!) and spending every morning listening to records and drawing for hours before the rest of the family woke up. Throughout my childhood my parents really encouraged and fostered my love for art. They saw that this was definitely my calling, so they sent me to classes, found me private tutors and exposed me to amazing artists from a young age. It was a natural progression from that to where I am now. When I was graduating high school I didn’t even apply to regular universities, only art schools, there was no doubt in my mind.

2) How have you used social media (Facebook, blog, Twitter) to promote your art?

I love social media! It has really changed my day to day life in an amazing way. I am totally fascinated by the new dialogues and relationships that social media opens and I am constantly discovering new sources of inspiration online. There are all these new channels open to artists now, it’s such an exciting time. I post new art on my facebook page (facebook.com/AnnaAbramzonStudio) and I share things on twitter (@AAartStudio) and my website (www.AnnaAbramzon.com) all the time. I also occasionally have free art giveaways and special discounts for my FB fans and Twitter followers.

3) When did you start doing Jewish art? Ketubot?

I was always an artist and a very proud, active Jew, but I had a hard time merging the two identities. As an artist I longed to paint about my passions, including my love for Israel and my Jewish identity, but painting scenes of Tel Aviv or Jews praying at the kotel just didn’t excite me. I struggled a lot with this in art school. While I wanted my art to speak honestly about who I am, I was also wary of becoming cliché or cheesy. After college I moved to Israel where I lived for four years. In Israel I found myself drenched in “Jewishness” every single day. In Israel being a Jew is so easy and inherent that you no longer really have to think about it. Ironically it was this immersion which finally allowed me to gain enough distance and perspective to be able to paint about being Jewish while staying away from overplayed, obvious imagery. It was also there in Israel that I met and married my husband. We had one of those uber intense, passionate love stories that would have made cynical art student Anna gag a few years prior. Naturally I wanted to channel all these new found lovey dovey romantic feelings into art as well. That’s how I got the idea to paint our ketubah, our wedding invitation and pretty much everything else that could possibly be painted for a wedding. After our wedding, other people started asking me to create ketubot for them. I found that people were coming to me specifically because I was not a typical ketubah artist. My work always was and remains quite figurative, which is not what people usually expect from Judaica and I think that was the appeal… that I came from a different background with a different vision, which allows me to create a contemporary, modern twist while maintaining the beauty, colors and and symbolism of traditional of Judaica.

4) What is your favorite part of being an artist?

I am never bored.

5) Where do you look for inspiration?

I have so many artists who inspire me! Some of my favorites are: Egon Schiele, Lucian Freud, Francesco Clemente, Goya, and Noshitomo Nara and I am often inspired by my favorite authors as well, I am a huge book nerd.

6) What are the hard parts of being an artist?

It never stops… it’s a job you can’t leave at the studio. Sometimes I’ll be having coffee with a girlfriend and I’ll think “Oh man, if I could just focus on this moment and stop drawing her in my head!!!!”

7) Can you talk a little about Valley of the Ghosts – it seems to be a comic strip about life in the Ukraine for a Jew. Is this autobiographical?

Valley of the Ghosts is a work in progress… it’s a very long term project that I have been coming back to for a few years now. It’s a graphic novel about a group of new immigrants in Israel. It’s a compilation of stories based on actual people I knew, and it is partly autobiographical as well. The title “Valley of the Ghosts” is a translation of “Emek Refaim” in Hebrew, which is the name of the street I lived on in Jerusalem.

8) You do a variety of artwork, from comics to caricatures to paintings – what is your favorite medium or style?

That’s a hard question… it would definitely be between figure/portrait painting in watercolor and comics. They are just so different… figure paintings and portraits allow me to express emotions really organically, while comics allow me to articulate thoughts in a much more tangent way. It’s really two different languages but there is quite a bit of overlap as well, because it’s two parallel ways of creating a narrative… I think I need to keep mixing things up and developing all my different styles in order to grow as an artist.

If you liked this interview, perhaps you will enjoy one of these related posts:

Lisa Palombo

Ruchama King

Elke Reva Sudin

On Websites for Small Biz I posted an interview with Renée Joslyn of Freakin’ Flamingo and Flamingo Musings. Hope you will visit the interview:

Interview with Freakin’ Flamingo

Comments on the post are most welcome. If you scroll to the bottom of the interview, you will find links to her challah and brisket recipes. Yum. And hummus pizza, too.

Leora’s note: I was introduced to Pearl through our mutual friend, Miriam Isserow. Pearl graciously agreed to answer questions about her new coaching initiative called Watershed Moments.

What is a watershed moment?
Watershed moments are transitional times in our life and the life of our family. Some Watershed moments are life cycle events whose importance is validated by our religious traditions or culture. Births, deaths, bar/t mitzvahs, weddings, holidays and graduations. And some are life phases or transitions that we sense are important but often lack a structure in which to ritualize our experience like gaining or losing a job, divorce, the prospect of an empty nest or leaving our family home. The tricky bit is that for most of us, we are inextricably bound with family and friends from our past and present, and it is in a communal or family context that we experience these watershed moments. If we are to find meaning and joy in them we need to be talking with our families and friends. We need to get clearer about what we want and we need help in negotiating the sometimes choppy waters of competing needs and priorities. Waters that may already be contaminated with a history of miscommunication and hurt feelings.

How did you connect with Judy Elkin your co-coach on the website?
Judy and I have actually been friends since 1985. And I credit Judy with introducing me to the coaching profession. Judy and I trained and were certified together in systems coaching at CRRGlobal. Our certification program required a project that would take our work out into the world in transformative ways. As we talked together we realized that we shared a deep commitment to family. In time our conversations evolved into what has become Watershed Moments. Judy and I have partnered on every aspect of the work. We are a powerful duo and most importantly we love collaborating. There is a lot of laughter and joy in our work.

What made you decide to do a separate website for the project? How are you marketing the project? Do you use social media? Have you considered setting up a Facebook page?
Judy and I each have our own successful coaching practice with our own websites. And we wanted to clearly mark the collaborative partnership of Watershed Moments. Luckily, Judy’s cousin offered to help us design our website. We were able to create our own brand. Conversations about the website design and content helped us to clarify what we were really hoping to do. Our logo for example, includes a distinctive circle which symbolizes the cyclical nature of a life, and of life cycle events. The colors are earth tones and this speaks to an aspiration we have for our clients- to approach their watershed moments with a grounded peaceful presence. The waves between the words evoke the “water” element in watershed. We believe that watershed moments are experienced in relationship and relationships are a river with calm spots, rapids and are always changing and moving.

Marketing? What marketing…. Actually, we have held off on actively marketing the project for now. Almost all our effort has gone into the creation of an ebook which we hope to launch in the fall. The book is intended for people who want to start talking with their family about an upcoming WM and are not sure how to get started. We probably will get serious about marketing WM as we begin to plan to market the ebook.

How does a coach differ from a therapist? Why would someone choose one over the other?
It is a great question, and the answer is not so clear. We share many overlapping approaches. Perhaps the best quote I heard in response to this is one Judy called to my attention from Dr. Carol Kauffman, Director of the Coaching and Positive Psychology Initiative who writes, “As a therapist, I follow the trail of tears with a goal of healing, as a coach I follow the trail of dreams with a goal of optimal functioning.” There is probably much more to be said here but I would point to one other important distinction: as coaches we do not operate on a medical model of pathology. That is we view our clients as creative and resourceful and fully able. We are not Pollyanna’s but we keep a strong focus on the possible. Having said that, we do not in any way shy away from deep and even painful emotions. There is nothing pathological about the need to be present to our feelings.

With respect to watershed moments in particular, if you want to explore more of the origins of an existing conflict around the event – then you may want a therapist. However, if you are more motivated by the question of how than why you probably could benefit from a coach. And most of us are trained to counsel you toward therapy if that is in fact what you need.

Do you only work with family systems or can individuals come to you too?
We can work with individuals absolutely. We can work with you to clarify what you want for your watershed moment and we can coach you to have some of the conversations that might support you to make it a reality. However, our first approach will be to encourage and support you to bring some of your significant others into the process. There is tremendous power in helping a couple or a family system hear each other, listen for understanding and move toward alignment on behalf of shared values.

What if a family member objects to another receiving coaching? What would you suggest?
It is certainly possible to imagine this scenario. Your spouse might worry about having to change or “give in” as a result of this work. Your family might have a culture of privacy or just getting through whatever it is. Your siblings might be worried about opening up a Pandora’s box.

Perhaps one key strategy is to start asking the questions and listening so that you can understand what is really at stake for your family member. Most of us, when we feel truly heard, unclench and can begin to turn towards the other. You may need to ask lots of questions to get to the heart of the matter. A pair of questions we really like to ask is, “What is your low dream or worst case scenario? What is your high dream or best case scenario? What would contribute to your high dream? What would contribute to your low dream?” A note of caution: If you ask questions like Perry Mason in the courtroom, you will probably be met with defensiveness. Try to ask questions with an open curiosity. No matter how well you think you know your family member, stay open to being surprised. We should say that ultimately if the family system is not ready for coaching- it’s not ready.

I could have enjoyed my son’s bar-mitzvahs more than I did. How do you suggest I plan for my daughter’s bat mitzvah to enjoy it more?
First I would want to understand more about what got in the way of your enjoyment at your son’s bar mitzvahs. What were you focused on? What role did you play? How much were you worried about making everyone else happy? When it comes to planning for a watershed moment, our view is, while tedious, we trust you to manage the to-do list. What often gets neglected is planning for the internal dimension. Considering questions like, ‘What is important to you about this moment?’ ‘How do you want it to feel as you move through your to-do list?’ What do you want to feel proud of when it is over? What memories do you want to create?’ Dreaming a little bit about these questions together with your daughter is a watershed moment all its own.

Here is an interesting strategy to try…imagine that a documentary filmmaker is going to accompany you and your family through the process of preparing for and enacting the bat mitzvah. What is the background music that would convey the tone of what is happening? What are the images you would want to capture? A casual hug as you study a text together? Smiles of encouragement? Different family members pitching in to help at different times? Whatever images you come up with is the first step toward planning for these moments. What will enable me to be present enough to smile? What will draw my family members closer through the planning? If this is useful to you, there are many more strategies available in our upcoming eBook.

I find myself yelling at my kids at certain times of the week (say, before Shabbat or trying to get one of them in particular to go to shul) would your coaching be able to help?
What you describe is probably very distant from the way you would like it to be, right? The coaching process could help you to get clearer about your own triggers and support you in taking steps to ease and manage your own stress leading into Shabbat. It might involve surfacing some deeply held beliefs about they way “it should be”. Additionally, we could guide you to have constructive conversations with your kids that help create a vision of the possible for all of you. IF this sounds a little vague that is because there is one thing coaching is not: prescriptive. We don’t come with a list of do’s and don’ts. Our work is all about helping you make conscious and intentional choices that are aligned with your own values-not ours!

Thank you so much, Pearl! Look forward to reader reactions. And by the way, concerning marketing… this interview is a start! Good luck with the ebook.

1) When did you realize that you like to write?

I’ve loved writing ever since I learned to write. Even as a child, I used to write letters to friends and relatives. Writing has been almost as big an obsession for me as reading. In high school, when I was learning to write expository essays, I found it incredibly frustrating to have my writing picked apart and critiqued by very hard teachers. But I emerged in the end a much more confident writer, more aware of grammar, of words, of voice.

2) When did you realize that you like to read?

Again, when I first learned to read. I’ve always loved stories, and to be able to read them myself gave me an independence from relying on others to tell them to me.

3) Which authors influenced you in your youth? Which authors or writers influence you now? (influence of style or in life choices or both)

I loved Laura Ingalls Wilder’s stories of her pioneer family. Her family’s courage, self-sufficiency, warmth and love appealed to me. In junior high school I discovered J.R.R. Tolkien, whose love of poetry and epic storytelling fed my love of adventure, languages, and travel, and spoke to my Anglo-Saxon soul. It was Tolkien who, in one of his very few women characters, gave me Éowyn, perhaps my favorite character of all time, whose restlessness and rebellion led to one of the pivotal acts which saved the people of her world from destruction. (Photo at right is Miranda Otto as Éowyn in the Peter Jackson films).

Charles Dickens

As an adult, I’ve always admired Charles Dickens for his quirky characters and brutal honesty about the good and bad in people. I think Great Expectations may be my favorite novel of all time. My second favorite is probably a tie between George Eliot’s sweeping, intelligent, sensitive Middlemarch and Jane Austen’s quieter, subtler novel Persuasion. For a little humor, I love Pride and Prejudice and anything by P.G. Wodehouse. I could go on forever, but I’ll spare you.

4) Have you ever taken a creative writing course?

I took a year-long college course on the American short story in my early 20s, reading the likes of Fitzgerald, Faulkner, and Gardner, studying their craft carefully, writing my own stories, and working with the rest of the class as a critique group. We continued on our own for three years after that class. It was marvelous. While I don’t write fiction nowadays, that experience has given a distinctive flavor to my nonfiction writing, and has given me much sharper skills as a reader besides.

5) Have you ever studied journalism?

No.

6) Do you find writing or talking an easier way to express yourself, or are both writing and talking similar vehicles of self-expression for you?

I prefer writing to talking. I don’t think at all well on my feet. I like writing for the opportunity to compose and edit my words carefully, and avoid saying anything I don’t mean or might regret later. I also like writing because it allows me to think on paper (or, more accurately these days, on screen). I’ve heard it said that you know what you think about something once you’ve written about it. I share that sentiment.

7) Have you written short stories or poetry (or would you like to do so)?

Yes, but nothing I would care to show anyone now. Disappointment (in employment, in love) make for great poetic inspiration, but very dull reading. And I don’t think I was a very good fiction writer. I write nonfiction when I’m content, and that’s what I’ve been writing for a long time now.

Please add a favorite quote.

The last lines of Middlemarch, which often make me think of my own life:

Her finely touched spirit had still its fine issues, though they were not widely visible. Her full nature, like that river of which Cyrus broke the strength, spent itself in channels which had no great name on the earth. But the effect of her being on those around her was incalculably diffusive: for the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs.

I enjoyed these thought-provoking questions. Thank you!

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If you enjoyed this interview, you may also enjoy:

• Interview with Ruchama King Feuerman, Novelist
• Interview with Hannah Katsman of CookingManager.com
• On Shimshonit’s blog: My favorite foodies, part IV: Ilana-Davita

Thank you so much, Lorri M., for being my first one! Lorri M. writes the blog Jew Wishes; I greatly enjoy her book reviews, thoughts on current and past events, picturesque photos, and her warmth. About her blog she writes: “My only goal with this blog is to try to foster religious and cultural awareness relating to Judaism.”

Life Lines - a personal favorite photo by Lorri

I realized I liked to write when I was an adolescent, starting with poetry and short stories. I would write my thoughts down on scraps of paper, or whatever was handy for me to write on, whenever an idea for a line or two of poetry, or whenever I thought of a good sentence/s to use for a short story, so I wouldn’t lose the thought or idea.

2) When did you realize that you like to read?

I loved reading the moment I was given books as a very young child, even before starting grade school. I would browse through the pictures in the books over and over again, and learned to read simple words before I began grade school. My parents encouraged me to enjoy reading, and fostered my love of books.

3) Which authors influenced you in your youth? Which authors or writers influence you now? (influence of style or in life choices or both)

I am an avid Bronte sisters fan, both of their novels and their poetry. I have been since I was a young teenager. Jane Eyre is my all time favorite classic novel. I also enjoyed Jane Austen’s works. Their depictions of their surroundings filled my senses. I liked how they would bring me back to a time and place that intrigued and fascinated me, and remember hoping and dreaming that one day I would be able to visit those places, especially the moors of Haworth, the home of the Bronte sisters. I have visited Haworth and the Bronte Parsonage several times, and have visited other cities that the Brontes sisters traveled to and lived in for a while. One can see why they wrote what they did about their environment…and the visits were so illuminating. I have also visited Jane Austen’s birthplace and homes.

The authors who influence me now are ones related to WWII/Shoah/Holocaust memoirs, Jewish Literature and Jewish authors. I incorporate these authors and their works into my daily life choices and in my own writing. Elie Wiesel, Primo Levi, Herman Wouk, A.B. Yehoshua, Sholem Alecheim, Amos Oz, Aharon Appelfeld, Belva Plain, Meir Shalev, and so many others, give me food for thought and discussion, and bring me illumination, both in the non-fictional and fictional prose and in religious radiance.

4) Have you ever taken a creative writing course?

I majored in English (writing) in college and university, and English Literature was my minor .

5) Have you ever studied journalism?

I took several journalism courses during my college days.

6) Do you find writing or talking an easier way to express yourself, or are both writing and talking similar vehicles of self-expression for you?

Both writing and speaking are similar forms of self-expression for me. With my writing, I can try to paint pictures with my articulation of scenarios I am trying to depict. With verbal communication, the articulation and expressiveness is fairly similar to my writing. I try to include metaphors, symbolism, and structure in my writing, that conforms closely to my verbal expressions.

7) Have you written short stories or poetry (or would you like to do so)?

I have written poems that have been published in small presses and publications, not major pubications. I have written short stories that have also been published in small presses, along with some travel articles. I am in the midst of writing two books, one is fiction and one is non-fiction. The non-fiction work is a family history of sorts, including detailed research other than genealogical research.

I asked Lorri to provide a favorite quote or poem. Here are her selections:

One of my favorite quotes is by Eleanor Roosevelt.

“A woman is like a tea bag — you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water.”

One of my favorite poems, entitled Epitaph, was written by the poet Merritt Malloy. It encompasses my own feelings and thoughts regarding humankind and humanity, and on remembrance and not forgetting those you love/d or those who came into your life and made a difference, no matter long a time or how short a time you might have known them.

Her poetry has been included in many Shabbat services throughout the years and throughout the country, including on Yom Kippur.

• • •

Thank you, Lorri, for sharing with us.

Here are links to interviews by the three bloggers I mentioned at the top of this post:

• Ilana-Davita: Weekly Interview: QuietusLeo
• Shimshonit: My favorite foodies, part I: Mimi
• Cooking Manager: Memories with Reader Rachelle Isserow

1) How did you get started in cheesecake business? My cousin had the idea years ago to shop, cook and bake with our grandmother–Clara Rothschild. This enabled him to do a couple of things…explore a new dimension of “traditional” cooking, while enjoying hours of quality time with our Grandma Clara. That was a priceless experience which I know he treasures. She sensed that he might want to commercialize her recipes and provided some gentle encouragement.

After Grandma passed away, Fred showed me that he had completed some solid market research/taste testing that suggested the product could be successful. I was not only impressed by what he had done, but as we have gone from idea to an actual product that we sell, so many of our friends, suppliers and technical experts have been enthusiastically supportive. We had some “fits and starts” but we created a business plan and now that we have launched, we are working hard to implement our plan-with adjustments as we progress.

2) Who is Grandma Clara and why should we eat her cheesecake? My mother and my cousin Fred’s father were siblings. Clara Rothschild was their mother, and she brought this cheesecake recipe with her from Eastern Europe (Prussia is where she was lived. She hiked across Europe c. 1914 (?) with her sisters to escape the Tsar), apparently her grandparents’ recipe… We think the best reason to eat it is because it is a uniquely delicious treat.

It’s novel–we do not use any of the cheeses typically found in today’s cheesecake, It has a crunch in the crust and it can be eaten warm or cold. It also has the unusual combination of pineapple and raisins—so it has a great deal of flavor and texture—but no particular flavor is dominant. Because it’s so different from existing cheesecakes, our slogan is “You’ve never had cheesecake like this!” We’re biased of course, but most people who have tried it love our cheesecake.

We have also received a certification from the NJ Division of Agriculture to use the “Made with Jersey Fresh Milk” label on the cake, because our cheese is made to our specifications using milk from NJ dairies. It’s important to us to support the NJ economy-by sourcing as many of ingredients as possibly locally. We think that is consistent with the tradition of this recipe; 200 years ago, our great, great grandparents used ingredients they could get in/around their community, so to the extent practice, we like the fact that locally sourcing ingredients is part of the tradition of this cake.

Last–people enjoy the nostalgic experience of food that dates back generations–everyone has a story they share about their own family’s recipes when they taste this cake. In many respects, we think this in whatever form we serve this cheesecake–that it’s evocative–it’s a conversation piece-so it combines a delicious treat with a social experience.

Using Grandma’s recipe, we created a “cheesecake single”, so that people can enjoy this traditional recipe —packaged in a modern, convenient serving—without worrying about having a large (the original recipe yields a 5lb cake) tray of cake leftover. We are refining our product line to include a cake in that original size, as well as a cake of about 2-3 lbs that will serve about 4-6, and a “party pack” size with 20 slices. We also have ideas for different flavors, to enhance the traditional recipe; we will introduce them soon.

3) How can we get some of this delicious cheesecake? It’s available at the Highland Park Farmer’s Market for the next 3 weeks; this weekend at the East Coast Food and Wine Festival. Dairy Deluxe at 811 Raritan Avenue may still have a limited supply.
We are in discussions with other farmer’s markets, and have begun approaching specialty/gourmet food stores, caterers and restaurants about carrying our cake. We are also building a website. People can go to our Grandma Clara’s Original page on Facebook, and we will keep them updated.

4) What do you do when you are not selling (or eating) cheesecake? You mean there is time for something other than cheesecake? I own a business that consults to sales and marketing organizations, and teach various professional development courses at Rutgers. Fred is a Chef and caterer, with years of experience in food service.

5) Kashrut? Our cheesecake is certified kosher by the Kof K. It is a dairy product.

On another local topic, fireworks finally return. On July 3, residents in Highland Park and New Brunswick will come together to celebrate Independence Day in Donaldson Park in Highland Park. For the last few years, residents in both Highland Park and New Brunswick have foregone a local fireworks celebration because of construction in Boyd Park and Route 18 in New Brunswick. The construction project is complete, but because Boyd Park is smaller now, there is not enough room to support a fireworks show, said Mike Blackwell, superintendent of recreation for New Brunswick. So the fireworks will be shot from Donaldson Park at the bottom of Second and Third Avenues in Highland Park.

So, since this is soon after Shabbat is over, the question asked will be: “Is it permissible to make havdalah on fireworks?”

How does it get decided in your community who will set up a shiva house?  Food, chairs, mirrors?
Generally the family’s close friends come in a “take charge” when they hear that the entire family is sitting shiva.  Unfortunately, we’ve had quite a few cases due to murderous terror attacks, or death of a parent or child from illness or accident.  When a non-shiva sitting relative comes to help, they generally thankfully accept the community’s help and work together.
In those cases when the entire family is sitting, we make up two sets of “help” charts, meals for the mourners and “shifts” so a person (or two) to be there at all times, from early in the morning until bedtime.

In our community, a chesed committee affiliated with the shul often helps with arranging the shiva.  Does it work differently in different communities in Israel?
I only know what happens here in Shiloh, but my guess is that most communities do something similar, sometimes more and sometimes less.  When the son of a friend in Jerusalem was killed in an accident, I got the impression that their friends were helping out, just the way we do.

In Israel, shuls aren’t always as community minded as abroad.  Each shul and community are different.  Here our shuls are neighborhood and “eidah,” like Ashkenaz or Yemenite, while friendships are more across the board. Some north African Jews serve festive meals through the shiva or just the last night (Leora’s note: we went to a shiva recently in Highland Park of Jews originally from north Africa where a festive meal was served on the last night), and that community helps each other more with the special foods. 

What kind of difficult situations have you come across in trying to help out with shiva?
“difficult?”  I’ve never sat shiva, so I don’t know what it’s like to be on that side.  May my parents live to a 120, the same for my husband and children.  Helping mourners must certainly be less “difficult” than being one, but…

I’m the type who isn’t comfortable doing anything in someone else’s kitchen, but when helping in a mourner’s home, that’s what I have to do.  Since my kids are grown, I’ve taken “early shift” many times and frequently I have “first morning.”  After the unpleasant sampling salt when looking for sugar and being terrified of traifing (making non-kosher) up someone’s kitchen, the first thing I do is look for someone who isn’t of the shiva but close to the family and we try to label the kitchen.  I once cut out “meat” and “dairy” out of contac paper and pasted the labels on each side of the kitchen cabinets.  If a stranger ever has to help, at least there are easy clues.

A mourning youngster who can’t sit still, under Bar/Bat Mitzvah but old enough to know the kitchen is sometimes perfect for helping with the labeling. 
 
Generally mourners have a few hours or even a couple of days between notification and burial.  You can check with a rabbi, but labeling the kitchen may be just the task for someone in hyper-mode desperate for something to do.  Another, very different, advice for the mourner is make sure that the clothing you’ll be wearing for “kriya,” ritual ripping, can be ripped.  Lycra/polyester isn’t a good idea.  Some knit fabrics are too strong and don’t cut easily.  In Israel the custom is real ripping of the clothing.  Layered outfits are good.  Many women use a safety pin to preserve modesty after the ripping. In Israel it’s not customary to wear black, nor suits to funerals.  We don’t dress up like for a church service.  Yes, black isn’t a Jewish custom.  I once had one of those tragi-comic experiences trying to make the cut in a friend’s outfit.  I was afraid I’d stab her, since the cloth was so strong.  Female mourners shouldn’t wear skirts that will ride up when sitting, not very comfortable or modest.  Long and loose are best, so you don’t have to worry about what shows or keeping your knees together.

Can you give advice to someone who wants to help?

• There should be one person in charge to coordinate. 
• Ask the mourners about food preferences, diet, allergy, kashrut supervision etc.  Do they want a rest break in the middle of the day?  When will bedtime be?  When will pre-Shabbat Mincha and other davening (prayer) times?  At what time to close before Shabbat?
• If the community has an email list, publicize the schedule plus name and number of those who are in charge of food and help. 
• Have a sign up of davening, rest and bedtime on the door. (Leora’s note: One can post the visiting times on the front door – this is what my father did recently when he sat shiva for his brother, and it helped him out a lot).
• Keep a running shopping list and have a person in charge of shopping daily, marking off what has already been bought.  Clarify payment with the family or any charity fund.
• Request that whenever possible food be brought in disposable pans.  It’s a nightmare to return things.  If not disposable, then make sure pans are labeled, meat, dairy, parve and name of owner.
• Make sure the family eats and drinks and takes medicine.  A diabetic friend dropped dead of a heart attack about a week after getting up from sitting shiva for a sister.
• When there are young children, it’s permitted to launder their clothes etc.  Find out what their rabbi says.

We don’t serve the morning minyan. I was horrified when a friend returned from the states after sitting shiva for a parent and discovered that he was supposed to wine and dine the men who showed up in the morning. Halachikly that’s forbidden. Mourners are supposed to be cared for not run restaurant services.

In Israel it’s common to set up outdoor “mourning tents” or shade for extra space. 

If you’re the relative running shiva, like when I ran it for my husband and his sister both times they sat, you can ask for help of the community if needed.  When their mother died, very unexpectedly, the funeral was a Thursday or Friday and I welcomed the community’s offering of food.  There was just too much for me to do to get the house ready for everyone who would be over for Shabbat.  Never be shy about asking for help.  It’s a mitzvah to help a mourner and many people are willing when they know you need some assistance.

Read more about shiva on Batya’s posts on this topic:

• http://shilohmusings.blogspot.com/2008/10/jewish-mourning.html
  Basic rules about Jewish mourning
• http://shilohmusings.blogspot.com/2008/09/getting-up-from-shiva-jewish-mourning.html
  About getting up from shiva – when it is over
• http://shilohmusings.blogspot.com/2008/03/adar-when-everythings-upside-down.html
  About a funeral and shiva for a teenage terror victim – so sad
• http://me-ander.blogspot.com/2010/06/different-shiva-jewish-mourning-customs.html
  A simple Ashkenazi shiva in Jerusalem
• http://me-ander.blogspot.com/2009/09/morning-shift-again.htmlTaking care of a Sephardic family and the custom of Sephardim to make a blessing at a shiva call

•  •  •

Feel free to ask questions in the comments. I will make sure Batya gets the question.

See also How to Pay a Shiva Call: A Guide for non-Jews, non-observant Jews, and anyone else who wants to learn the laws of shiva.

1. Your first novel was published by St. Martin’s Press. Did you have a secular audience in mind in writing your book?

Yes I did. It was an artistic and spiritual challenge – could I make the religious world — my world — accessible and compelling to unaffiliated Jews and to non-Jews. For a religious novelist, it’s a gossamer thin line, what to reveal, what to conceal, what’s the fine balance between reverence and irreverence, the artist and the yid. I wanted real flesh and blood characters, lovable, hate-able, characters with a yetzer hara and a yetzer tov*, the complexity that is our due. Much of the secular fiction I’d read about religious Jews only knew how to capture the yetzer hara.

2. When the matchmakers in “Seven Blessings” (who are predominantly women) collude to blacklist a particularly inflexible male character, are you playing out a fantasy of female power over the male who usually gets to hold the cards in the shidduch business, or is there a real basis for this episode?

Yes, there is a basis. An old roommate told me about a guy who kept turning away great young women, always citing some minor reason. Finally, the matchmaker came up with someone who met his entire list of qualifications. They dated, he agreed she fit the bill, and yet he still said no. At that point the matchmaker contacted all the other matchmakers in his circle, and together they refused to set him up. After a few months he called the young woman he’d rejected, they dated some more, and got married. I never forgot that story. It may have taken place somewhere in Canada but I can’t vouch for it.

3. Your recent anthology, “Everyone’s Got a Story” (Judaica Press) is a DIY writer’s manual and showcases the writing of your students. How do you get their stories to come out?

It’s a multi-layered, many-pronged effort. I poke from all sides. First, expose them to high-level writing. Then I trick my students into writing. Bring them to a point where they don’t care how awful they sound. That’s when the best stuff comes out. Then I do the opposite — break down the process into components, bite-size attainable bits. There’s the craft and there’s the unconscious. I try not to ignore either. In the end, though, the stories come out when the writer realizes she’s on a journey. With me, with her work, with her inner process. Many of my students have stayed with me for years. People are engaged in some kind of journey with themselves. It’s not as if they’re trying to learn how to fix the radio or carburetor. They’re tending a garden. They’re arranging for a dance of the imagination.

4. You’ve experienced the Jewish life both in Israel and USA – any events or people who had influenced you and your work?

In Israel, where I lived for ten years, I kept meeting amazing Jews – each one a novel. In Jerusalem, I guess you could say I caught the holiness bug. Not the ethereal, rays-of-light-shining-down kind, but what’s rooted in nitty gritty, everyday living. I kept bumping into the holy and ridiculous. This was a world I had to recreate.

I also was lucky to have as my teacher the acclaimed author, Alan Hoffman, who was writing from a place of great knowledge of Judaism and the Torah world with a very fresh sensibility. He definitely influenced me.

As for the matchmaking topic in Seven Blessings, I lived in the home of a famous matchmaker for two years. She was an outrageous lady, nothing like the more tame matchmakers who appear in my novel. Sometimes, you have to tone down reality to make it believable.

5) How do you balance family and writing?
Who says I do?

6) Have you used social media (Facebook, blog, Twitter, YouTube) to promote your writing?
I just started on Facebook to promote my workshops. Soon I’ll get to the books I hope. This part is challenging for me. I’ll probably be asking for your services any day now.

7) What advice would you give to other writers about marketing, publishing or publicity?
Find the medium that’s comfortable for you to build a writer community for yourself. Writers need people who will encourage them, give feedback, recommend their agent, suggest a class, be generous with their contacts, and spread the word when their book comes out. Use all the tools that are out there. There’s something for everyone.

(These questions and answers are a compilation of interviews from Ariella Brown from Kallah Magazine, Nellie Shulman from Booknik Russia, Leora Wenger, and Carol Ungar from the Jerusalem Post)

For more information, visit Ruchama King MFA on Facebook.

*yetzer hara and yetzer tov = evil and good impulses

1) When did you realize you wanted to be an artist?

When I was 9 yrs old. I went to my first summer art camp program at Rhode Island School of Design (RISD). Oh I remember it so vividly. I overheard my teacher tell my mother not to worry because when I am older I will be able to “see” more. (I was the youngest in the class). That day, I forced myself to “see” more and painted a house with every detailed shingle on the roof. That painting won an award at the end of the summer. The president of RISD approached my mother to purchase the painting, but she declined. To this day, I challenge myself to look more than I think I know. I challenge myself everyday to paint better than yesterday. Little did I know at nine I “caught the creative bug” that has since fueled me for 44 years!

Thankfully, I have the painting on my bedroom wall. Every morning, it reminds me why I am an artist.

2) How have you used social media (Facebook, blog, Twitter) to promote your art?
I post on blog, twitter and facebook regularly so I can keep my collectors and followers current on new paintings (sometimes still wet on the easel), news and upcoming exhibitions. Also, it’s a great way for followers to join in on the conversation, especially on Facebook. Posting my next exhibition, 9th annual Spring Open Studio on Facebook helps spread the word virally. I still send out postcards to my list and press releases to periodicals. It all works together!

3) What advice would you give to other artists about marketing?
Network.

4) What is your favorite part of being an artist?
Seeing magic happen.

5) Where do you look for inspiration?
Flowers and gardens. I think I was a fairy in my past life. :0)

For more on Lisa, visit:
blog: http://floralpaintings.blogspot.com
facebook: http://www.facebook.com/lisapalombostudios
twitter: http://twitter.com/lisapalomboart
website: http://www.lisapalombo.com

Her next event: Spring Open Studio, May 1 & 2 (12-5pm) 55 Mountain Ave., Caldwell, NJ
  

I previously wrote about Raritan Air Water Power in this post called Say Thank You – a trait the Rosenbergs do well! I got to know the Rosenbergs when our sons were in the same Cub Scout pack.

When did you start your business? We started our heating and air conditioning company here in February 2005. However, we were in business for a number of years when we lived in Potomac, MD. Zev has been in this field for 30 years.

How do you market your business? Currently we market mostly through word-of-mouth. We also send customers reminders about preventative maintenance that should be done in the winter and spring. Being part of the Highland Park First Aid Squad discount card also brings in additional business and customers seem to appreciate the savings.

Customers are very interested in energy savings and we try to alert them to ways to save. There is tremendous opportunity in high efficiency equipment right now due to federal tax credits and utility rebates.

Have you used social media? We currently have a page on Facebook. Readers can become a fan of our page at Raritan Air Water Power Service. We give tips and reminders there on savings and ways to manage your home.

What are some ways a business can keep customers? The most important thing is 100% quality control. For us that means every job that we do the customer has to get a follow-up phone call asking them how things are going and if we met their expectations. Let’s face it, people have come to expect lousy service. When someone’s not happy with the service they’ve received they are likely to go elsewhere, thinking it’s not worth the hassle. Occasionally we have to go back on a service call or installation. It makes the whole situation easier on the customer if we call them. I think people appreciate that you followed up even if they don’t have a problem. Most people are just shocked that once you get paid you even care! That is the biggest thing.

The second thing is to let people know that sometimes they have options of what they can do to repair their equipment. If they do have options, I like to present them and let people decide what best meets their needs.

Third, whenever I make any kind of suggestion on what needs to be repaired, I ask myself, “what would I do if this were my home or business.” I think people appreciate that you are trying to keep their perspective and or help them make decisions that are in their best interest.

Finally, in this current economic climate people need options for paying which is why we take credit cards.

How do you suggest dealing with a difficult customer? The first thing is that you have to establish realistic expectations and listen to what your customer is saying. We try and spell out for people exactly what we can and cannot do and what they should expect. Also you have to understand that not everybody wants what you have to offer. Many contractors will do anything to “get the job.” Because I live here I can’t offer to give someone less than what they need.

•   •   •

Thank you so much, Zev and Leslie, for this interview.

I jokingly told Leslie I was going to photograph one of our toilets, which Zev has fixed while checking our heating system or our air conditioning (he’s multi-talented), but instead I will show you their logo and phone number:

Do you have any questions for Zev or Leslie? Or if you would just like to cheer them on, please feel free to leave a comment.